Okay is this love or is it just a joke playing with me? Whatever it is I can't stand it, its tearing me apart!?

Alright so it's messed I know. Im a guy, and i;ve been with a guy for 4.5 years. Im 18, you can do the math. lol XO. So there's this girl now, shes been my best friend friend for two full years now. I love her to death as a best-friend. Recently she broke up with her abusive boyfriend (if i wasnt there she would've hung herself) but the problem i have is that like... i;ve been her best friend for so long this feels so wrong. But she dumped him after 2 years. last week. She went to another guy (rebound!) and now he calls her a slut because she likes sex too much. Anyways, i don't care about that. I have helped her from any, and everything. So I got these feeling now, and there unbelievable, i can't them. Anyways I have these feelings that I want her, because I know I'll treat her better than any other man would. I love this girl till death, i swear it on my grave and hand on the bible. So a few says ago I felt so bad that I asked her out. I actually asked her out. She never fully replied yet, at all, shes still thinking it through. Every single organ and emtion in my body is saying DO THIS NOW. What will happen? Are the feelings good or just a dream? I willing to anything for this girl, and if it means me turning back, well i will. But I dont think she wants to. Shes too scared of the friendship we made. I treat her like a queen right now, i mean i spent $270 one day to buy her this lingerie she really wanted badly... I had to, no way i could sy no. I just couldn't. I want some guidence here. Is this love or is it just a bunch of bullshit my minds playing with me. What should I do? Keep pushing or just let my emtions tear me up? i mean I litterally cried for 11 and a half hours yesterday over this girl? How could A girl do this to a gay guy.... ? I just don't understand. Please help.